The importance of giving and receiving challenge 

Few of us enjoy criticism or confrontation. Yet the limitations and shortcomings of our humanness mean that it needs to happen – for our own good and for the wellbeing of the people we lead, writes Alan Wilson

It probably took at least as much out of him as it did out of me. He was (and still is) my friend and at the time was an elder in the church where I was a young pastor. To say I had embarked on the pastorate with little experience would be an understatement, and at the time of our conversation things were not going terribly well. It was a Friday morning and he had a little piece of paper on which he had written down a list of half a dozen or so areas where he felt I needed to improve. There was no vindictiveness, no desire to run me down. Just the genuine concern of a brother for a floundering leader.


Giving and receiving challenge in Scripture

It’s not easy to embark on such difficult conversations with a friend. It’s not easy to confront a leader. And it is not always easy for a leader to receive challenge. Few of us enjoy criticism or confrontation. Yet the limitations and shortcomings of our humanness mean that it needs to happen – for our own good and for the wellbeing of the people we lead.

Scripture is clear, not least in the book of Proverbs, that our ability to receive correction is a sign of wisdom. The wise person will love the friend who brings reproof. The person of understanding will grow from it. Open rebuke is better than hidden love.

The New Testament leaves us with no allusions about the early church leaders. Acts doesn’t cover over the sharp disagreement between Paul and Barnabas and Galatians lays bare another dramatic leader disagreement when Paul confronts Peter. In Paul’s view Peter had caved to peer pressure and lapsed into hypocrisy. The issue was who he would eat with during his visit to Antioch. At one point he happily shared with Gentiles, but when ‘certain men’ arrived from Jerusalem, fear led him to pull back. Paul called him out in front of the whole gathering.


When is giving and receiving challenge needed?

Paul had two reasons for what he did and they are still relevant. For one thing Peter’s behaviour had an impact on others. Even Barnabas, renowned for his open-heartedness, wavered. The other reason was gospel-related: Peter’s conduct had drifted out of alignment with the gospel. Paul’s gospel was clear: grace came freely through Christ and had nothing to do with the food you ate or the people you ate with. Peter’s behaviour betrayed the simplicity and the radical nature of the gospel.

We’re left wondering how Peter must have felt about this, but it challenges us about the nature of our relationships and our willingness to engage in those hard conversations where the gospel has been jeopardised or where a leader’s behaviour is likely to harm others.

I’ve been reading a preview copy of a new book from Justin Irving on organisational leadership. He starts with the area of self-leadership, and challenges readers on their relationships. As leaders we need ‘relationships in which [we] can both challenge and be challenged, love and be loved, know and be known.’


Importance of humility and courage

It seems to me that these relationships call for both humility and courage. We need the humility to realise our limitations and shortcomings and allow others to speak into them. We need the courage to lay ourselves open and genuinely invite the faithful wounds of friends. Similarly, if we find ourselves needing to speak into someone’s life (as my friend did all those years ago), we need the humility to check our heart motives and not assume some kind moral or professional superiority. And we need the courage to risk the possibility of being on the receiving end of anger or rejection.

None of us is the finished article. When we assume we are, that we have arrived, that we have nothing more to learn, or that somehow we have graduated beyond the things that lesser mortals need to think about, we are in trouble.


Seeking challenge

I remember a conversation I had a few years ago with a younger – though already quite accomplished – leader. He wanted to ask me something I don’t think anyone else has ever asked me. He was in a good place, fruitful and well-accepted in his work. But he wanted to know how could he intentionally leave space for the voices of those who might be critical of him or disagree with his work.

I wonder how many of us would risk that? How many of us have the kind of relationships where we are not threatened by the honest feedback of others, nor are we afraid to give it?

Wounds from a friend can be trusted. They are still wounds, but they can be the key to our growth.

 

Image |Jack Sharp | Unsplash 

 

Alan Wilson is a freelance Bible College lecturer and host of The Leadership Journey Podcast, a series of conversations with Christian leaders. He has pastored churches in Switzerland and his native Northern Ireland. @jsalanwilson

He is the author of The Crucible of Leadership: Learning from the Story of Moses (Instant Apostle), in which he explores nine striking leadership lessons from Moses’ remarkable life.

This reflection originally appeared on the website of Hope1513.com, and is republished with permission

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