'My story is for anyone who has lost all hope their circumstances can change'

Baptist church member and employee relations specialist David Meader introduces his memoir Sixteen Years in Care, which chronicles a journey to freedom from rejection, pain and loneliness

We can all think of obstacles to believing the Gospel and living the Christian life. One of those might well be growing up in care. We know that the outcomes for care-leavers are depressing and seemingly intractable with record numbers imprisoned, unemployed, using drugs and homeless. Not to mention the poor education outcomes and relationship breakdowns…

I could have easily been one of those statistics. So, I’ve written my memoir to help people understand something of what it was like growing up in care and the challenges I faced after leaving care to make my way in the wider world. My memoir is unashamedly redemptive in its purpose to give hope to those who have lost hope and to help others find a sense of self-worth and purpose.

My story begins with the breakdown of my parents’ relationship in 1961 at which point I became Admission No. 4365 in the care of Spurgeon's Children's Homes situated in Birchington-on-Sea, Kent.

Those who looked after me during my childhood were kind, committed and caring, and I will always be grateful to them for choosing a vocation that must at times have seemed both challenging and thankless. The quality of their care for me was exemplary. But most of all, they kept me safe. Certainly, safer than any of the alternatives.
 
So, my memoir is not a book about child abuse suffered at the hands of paedophiles and predators who infiltrated state-run care settings at that time; but rather, a story of how my intense feelings of rejection, pain and loneliness often resulted in periods of deep introspection, unhelpful internal dialogue and occasional outbursts of anger that left me confused and bewildered. I describe how I came through this struggle and pay tribute to those who cared for me during my childhood.
 
My memoir also covers my early adulthood. This is because for much of my early adult life I wrestled with the consequences of being in care. So I also pay tribute to those who continued to love and support me after I left care and struggled so much to make my way in the wider world.
 
In reading my memoir you will discover that a childhood spent in care does not have to lead to underachievement and a lifetime of unresolved pain. Difficulties and pain there were. But my hope and prayer is that you will conclude that these can be overcome.
 
My story is not just for those of us who have been in care or for those who have an interest in fostering and adoption.
 
My story is for anyone who has lost all hope that their circumstances can change, or that they can recover a sense of self-worth and purpose. It is also for those who struggle with uncontrollable feelings of rejection and anger; for those who feel abandoned and confused; for those who feel unable to trust others and despise themselves for their failings.
 
And I have written it for those of us who have been wounded and have erected defences to protect ourselves from ever being hurt again, while at the same time realising that those very defences rob us of the intimacy and freedom from fear that we desperately crave.
 
We are all in some sense ‘broken’, and like china plates that shatter on the floor we all break in different ways. This means that different aspects of my story will resonate with you and not with others. My hope is that those parts of my story that touch you will also help you. You will be introduced to other broken individuals dealing with their pain. Some have made significant progress on the journey to restoration and wholeness; others have not.
 
My restoration and renewal could never have come about without some key relationships. I eventually felt safe enough in those relationships to be honest about just how much I was struggling to hold it all together, to finally put my pride aside and to admit that I had run out of ideas and desperately needed help.
 
I also came to fully appreciate the depths of Christ’s love for me and to receive his healing in my life. This enabled me in very significant ways to gradually discard my old, wounded identity, and to start living out of my new identity ‘in Christ’.
 
I eventually felt safe enough to face my pain and to forgive those who had wounded me so deeply. This was another key to my gradual restoration and to a life with purpose. My prayer is that my story will also encourage others to enjoy this wonderful gift of life in all its fulness.

Sixteen Years in Care: A Journey to freedom from rejection, pain and loneliness by David Meader is published by Malcom Down Publishing

The proceeds from the sale of this book will be donated to the continuing charitable work of the Spurgeon's Children’s Charity.
 
On leaving care, David graduated from university and worked as a Human Resources professional. He then attended All Nations Christian College and worked for several years with WEC International in Java and East Timor.
 
His forthcoming book records his experiences of working in the midst of widespread civil unrest in Java and the aftermath of military occupation in East Timor.
 
David currently works as an independent employee relations specialist and is an accredited workplace mediator. He and his wife Else live in London. They belong to Herne Hill Baptist Church 

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